


Count The Ways

by WalkingDredd



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Community: HPFT, Harry goes to a magical primary school, M/M, Magic AU, Pining, Remus likes sweaters, Remus teaches art, Sarcastic Harry, Sirius is being Sirius, Sirius wants Remus against a desk, Teacher!Remus, sirius wants remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:37:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7715179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkingDredd/pseuds/WalkingDredd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius had a problem in the form of Harry's art teacher. </p><p>It should be criminal to wear sweaters that tight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Count The Ways

**Author's Note:**

  * For [toomanycurls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanycurls/gifts).



Sirius had been lounging at home when he had gotten the Owl from James, begging him to go down to Harry’s school and make sure he was alright. James and Lily were both at work and unable to get away, and apparently as Harry’s godfather it was expected of him to go in place of them. He wasn’t happy about it, and planned to make Harry know all about it when he got to Diagon Alley Primary school. He was a child, how much trouble could he have got into?  
  
When he saw Harry sitting on a chair in the corridor, a bloody tissue in his hands, and another boy beside him, Sirius knew that Harry must have been running his mouth off again.  
  
"What have you done now, you little shit?" Sirius asked, nudging Harry who looked offended. His red headed friend didn't look too impressed either.  
  
Harry dropped the bloody tissue from his nose.  
  
"I didn't do anything. Why are you here?"  
  
"Your mum and dad are busy working, I was free. What did you do?"  
  
Harry rolled his eyes as he shuffled in his seat, turning away from Sirius and not answering him.  
  
“Oh come on, I was trying to sleep when I got the owl. Have you been back chatting again?”  
  
There was more silence and Sirius heaved a long and weary sigh before turning to the freckled red-head.  
  
"Stretch, what's the deal?" He asked.  
  
The redhead turned to Harry. "What is he doing?"  
  
The kid could have at least attempted to speak in a quieter voice; Sirius feelings could have been hurt. Maybe he should have worn his Auror uniform, scared the other kid into being nicer.  
  
“His name is Ron,” Harry told Sirius, who nodded and shot a look at Ron again. He remembered vaguely James mentioning that Harry’s best friend was a Weasley and assumed that it was this kid. The red hair should have been a big clue.  
  
“What happened to your nose?” Sirius asked, crouching down in front of Harry and trying to inspect it, but Harry knocked his hand away from him.  
  
“I was punched, obviously,” Harry muttered his voice muffled behind the tissue. For a seven year old Harry was a mouthy little shit, Sirius probably shouldn’t have been as proud as he was about that. He also probably shouldn’t have been the one teaching him to back chat; it seemed to be blowing up in his face.  
  
"Is it that Malfoy kid?" Sirius pressed when Harry wasn't offering any more information on the subject. "Is he attempting to bully you again?"  
  
"He is bullying him," Ron snapped, arms folded across his chest.  
  
Sirius laughed as he stood back up and looked down on them. "oh boys, wait until you get to Hogwarts. Then you'll know all about bullying."  
  
Harry and Ron both looked horrified and Sirius knew his job here was done.  
  
"Right, now that's sorted I best be off, I've got lots of things to - fucking hell."  
  
He trailed off midsentence as a man strolled out of the office they were waiting outside of, looking intently down at pieces of parchment. He had sandy dishevelled hair - sex hair as Sirius liked to call it - was as tall as him, and stubble lined his set jaw. The man was everything Sirius wanted in his bed... Possibly the teacher’s office, he wasn't picky. The man glanced up taking in Sirius and giving him a polite smile.  
  
"Mr. Potter I presume," he said, holding a hand out for Sirius to shake.  
  
Sirius noted how soft his hands were and wondered if the skin on the rest of his body was just as soft.  
  
"No, sorry. I'm Sirius Black, Harry's godfather; his parents couldn't get out of work at such short notice."  
  
"Very well, shall we step inside my office? Ronald you can go back to your lesson," the man said, turning to face the two boys and Sirius took this opportunity to check out the man’s arse. The trousers he was wearing should be criminal.  
  
“Should we?” Remus asked indicating that he should enter the office and Sirius let Harry walk in first. Harry threw himself down into his chair and Sirius hated to think what he would be like as a teenager, probably and even moodier shit that James would have to deal with. Sirius would have laughed if Remus didn’t look so serious as he took a seat behind his desk and looked at them both.  
  
Remus opened his mouth to begin speaking and Sirius was lost in a daydream almost immediately. Sirius nodded not sure what Remus was even saying to him, just watching his lips as he spoke and thinking of all the fun ways that he would ruin him. Sirius really needed to get laid, he was thinking inappropriate things about his godson’s teacher, and it really wasn't going to end well for anyone.  
  
“Mr. Black.”  
  
Sirius shook his head quickly to rid himself of the thoughts of Remus lounging on his desk as Sirius kissed him until he was begging for more, and realised that he had been asked a question.  
  
“Err- yes,” Sirius said as he shifted in the seat to sit up straighter. He chanced a look at Harry, who looked venomously in his direction as though Sirius had just been responsible for ruining his life.  
  
“Then that’s settled, I’ll arrange a meeting with Mr and Mrs Potter to meet with the Malfoy’s so that we can finally sort this problem out. Thank you for your time, you may take Harry home if you want?” Remus had stood up and Sirius admired the way that the man’s knitted jumper clung to his body as well. It was highly improper and Sirius loved it.  
  
\--  
  
James was staring angrily at Sirius at dinner a few days later, and Sirius was avoiding his eye, carefully pushing his food around his plate with a fork.  
  
“What’s going on?” Lily asked from the other side of the table, wondering what was going on between her husband and his best friend.  
  
“Sirius knows what he’s done,” James said simply and Sirius could feel the heavy weight of his stare bearing down on him, feeling a growling in his throat as he fought back the urge to talk back to James.  
  
“Do I want to –“  
  
“When were you going to tell me that you’ve been telling the teacher that we’re too busy to see him, so that you can keep going back to Diagon Alley Primary school?”  
  
“I have done no such thing!” Sirius shot back. As always, deny everything until there was 100% proof that you had been involved. It was a motto that Sirius had been following his entire life, and James knew this because he was Sirius’ best friend. Sirius knew that he was screwed when James seemed to pull parchment out of thin air.  
  
“Dear Mr. Potter, I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to make any of the meetings that I have scheduled, and I hope that Mr. Black has been relaying my messages to you. He has been quite a helpful presence at the school, and I am impressed. However, I must speak to you and Mrs. Potter at your earliest convenience to discuss Harry’s problems with another child. Regards, Mr. Lupin.”  
  
“Have you been reading our mail again?” Lily demanded angrily, turning to look at Sirius who had guilt clear as day on his face.  
  
“Only school letters.”  
  
“Damn it, Sirius,” Lily snapped, throwing her fork down on the table and grabbing for her wand so that she could hex him. James reached out to stop his wife from committing murder and Sirius was thankful.  
  
“Why are you – “James began, before it seemed to hit him why Sirius had been doing this. “Please don’t tell me that you have a crush on Mr. Lupin.”  
  
Sirius tried to deny it, but he couldn’t.  
  
“But he’s really hot,” Sirius said loudly, throwing his hands up in the air as James sighed.  
  
“No, you are not allowed to ask him out,” James warned him, pointing a finger in the direction of Sirius as Lily stood up from the table and grabbed her plate so that she could take it to the kitchen.  
  
“Why not?” Sirius whined, James was being entirely unreasonable. Couldn’t he see that Sirius was in lust with this man?  
  
“Because he is Harry’s art teacher, it’s weird.”  
  
“It’s only weird if Harry was my kid, but Lily keeps assuring me that you’re the father,” Sirius shot back and James rolled his eyes at Sirius’ attempt at a joke. He grabbed his plate and stood up.  
  
“I said no,” he said, his tone final as he walked out of the room. He should have known better than to think that would be it, or that Sirius wouldn’t follow after him like a lost puppy.  
  
“Have you seen him? The man wears form fitting jumpers and trousers that show off his amazing arse. I can’t be held responsible for my actions around him,”  
  
“You said that about Gideon Prewett, and how did that end?”  
  
“With me on the floor with a bad back,” Sirius grumbled, putting his plate on the side and leaning against the counter, arms folded against his chest in a sulk.  
  
“And why did you have a bad back?” James pressed, speaking to Sirius as though he was a child.  
  
“Because Gideon threw me there.”  
  
“And he threw you because...”  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes, “because I grabbed his arse and he didn’t appreciate it. But that was different; I now know that Gideon isn’t gay.”  
  
“And how can you be so sure that Mr. Lupin is?” James asked waving his wand at the dishes so that they began cleaning themselves in the soapy water Lily had run earlier.  
  
“Have you seen that guy’s sweater collection?” Sirius asked following James as he walked over to the other side of the kitchen to stand next to Lily. Sirius made sure to get between them so that he could continue talking to James, who probably should have been more used to this by now. “I am telling you that he is gay.”  
  
“If this ends up blowing up in your face,” James began and Sirius got a cocky look on his face as his eyes lit up.  
  
“Well, if I’m lucky he’ll be the one to –“  
  
“I will not hold back on my told you so’s,” James interrupted loudly knowing that Sirius was about to say something incredibly crude. “Don’t do anything that affects Harry, Mr. Lupin is his favourite teacher.”  
  
“I won’t, I promise.” Sirius said happily, before grabbing for James arm. “Now come on, we have things to plan. Lily I’ll have two sugars with my coffee thanks.”  
  
Sirius ducked in time to miss the spoon that was aimed at his head as he pulled James from the room. He really had to talk to Lily about becoming so predictable.  
  
\---  
  
There was only so many more excuses that Sirius could come up with to be in Remus’ office after school ended, and he had swapped a few shifts with James just so he could pop in here under the ruse that he was worried about Harry and that snooty Malfoy kid. That problem had been fixed when Sirius cornered the kid in the corridor, and threatened to arrest his dad if he so much as went near Harry again or told anyone about the conversation. Sirius wondered how long it took for him to stop crying, before deciding that he didn’t care. No one messed with his godson and got away with it.  
  
Remus didn’t seem to mind when he looked up and saw Sirius knocking at his door, giving him a smile that made Sirius’ heart and stomach do funny things. The smile always widened if Sirius brought coffee or a bar of chocolate.  
  
Sirius hated that he seemed to be developing a fetish for knitted jumpers, especially when worn by sexy teachers. He looked away from Remus before he could make a fool of himself and pushed his long hair away from his eyes as he tried to collect his thoughts. When he turned back to Remus, he caught the guy staring before quickly looking away with a slight blush to his cheeks.  
  
Remus gave a small cough and Sirius knew instantly that he had a chance with the teacher. He just had to think of an eloquent way of asking the guy out without using the words, ‘I hope your desk is held up by magic because I plan on ravishing you thoroughly on it.’  
  
“Nice desk,” Sirius blurted out before he could stop himself, and if Remus weren’t looking at him strangely he would have face-palmed because he was a loser who sucked at life. “Looks sturdy.”  
  
Why didn’t he stop talking? He was normally brilliant at this; he normally had people falling at his feet without even trying. Now that he actually liked someone he had begun acting like James. He was an imbecile.  
  
Remus’ eyebrows rose slightly as he regarded Sirius. “That’s generally the quality I look for in a desk,” he said simply, voice slightly husky and Sirius would have dropped his trousers for the man right there and then if he asked him to on that voice alone.  
  
Sirius swallowed as he nodded. “That’s good...”  
  
“Sirius, I – “ Remus stated and Sirius saw the wary look on his face and panicked.  
  
“My house. Dinner.”  
  
Remus stopped talking and surprise crossed his face at Sirius words. “Are you – are you asking me out?”  
  
“Yes. To my house. For dinner – not sure if I said that.”  
  
“Not in so many words,” Remus said and Sirius was happy to see a smile beginning to pucker at the corner of his lips. “When?”  
  
“When are you free?” Sirius asked quickly, before cursing himself for seeming too eager.  
  
“I’m free now,” Remus stated, leaning back in his chair. “I should have gone home an hour ago.”  
  
“Oh, why didn’t you then?”  
  
“There’s a really amazing masterpiece in my office right now. I couldn’t resist staring at it. As an art teacher, I’m expected to study it thoroughly.”  
  
It was a cheesy line and Sirius absolutely loved it, as well as the amount of confidence that Remus had right then.  
  
“Are you fucking serious?” Sirius asked before he could think about the terrible pun. He was just excited about the fact that Remus had said yes to going on a date and used a brilliant line on him.  
  
“Not yet.”  
  
\--  
  
“Oh come on, James!” Sirius cried loudly as Remus chuckled, looking into the mirror, and staring at the man that seemed hell-bent on ruining Sirius Blacks sex life.   
“Do you have any idea what was about to happen?”  
  
James sniggered. “You’re the one who agreed to babysit Harry for me, so get your sorry arse around here, and do it. You know that Lily and I have had plans for months now.”  
  
“Fine! But I’m bringing Remus with me,” Sirius told him haughtily and James stopped sniggering at once. “You’re going to be out until the early hours aren’t you?”  
  
“Don’t you dare have sex here when Harry’s gone to sleep,” James warned him.  
  
“Oh, I so am,” Sirius stated as he put the mirror down onto the bed and grabbed for his trousers to pull them on, so that James was staring up at the ceiling. Remus was watching in bemusement and Sirius could feel him silently judging what was happening, could almost hear him shaking his head as he buttoned up his own trousers.   
“You better have plans to buy a new bed because I am going to ruin yours.”  
  
“That’s it – Lily feed Harry as much sugar as you can! That boy is not going to sleep.”  
  
“No you don’t, James,” Sirius yelled, rushing over to the mirror and grabbing for it, but it had gone blank. “Bastard!”  
  
Sirius chanced a look back up at Remus, who was struggling not to smile. Biting his lip and causing a predatory growl to form in Sirius’ throat at the sight, that man really brought the animal out in Sirius and he loved it.  
  
“You’re both crazy,” Remus stated with a shake of his head before looking down at his watch. “What time have we got to be there?”  
  
“Seven,” Sirius replied, trying not to show much he wanted to dance and cheer at the fact that Remus wasn’t running away, and actually wanted to go babysitting with him.  
  
“We have ten minutes. I can think of something we could –“ Sirius didn’t let Remus finish his sentence, choosing instead to jump onto his bed and on top of Remus, who laughed loudly and captured Sirius’ lips with his own.  
  
They were only twenty minutes late.


End file.
